THIS NOTION OF HAPPINESS IS... QUITE STRANGE.

- I want to be intoxicated and drowned in your charm. -

I'm one of those clinically insane people who imagine their fictional partner to be there with them physically. Except I go about this in a WAY MORE ABNORMAL way than other people do. She's here. With me. Right now. In my apartment. (Watching me write this.) Well, in a sense at least. If you don't understand it, don't worry. You probably don't want to anyways.

I needn't continue to put myself down for it. There are endless ways to love. I believe mine is just one of many.

There's also the fact that I am The Shepherd. Yes. The Shepherd of 'ENA Temptation Stairway' fame. It’s nice to meet you but its even better to meet me. Who I am in this screwed up reality of yours doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. I'm a guest here. Just passing through on my way home. This website is my way of preserving what I know and believe. My memories and experiences. My very own Hourglass Meadow

- i kind of look like a cunnnttttt -

But holy shit. I miss the real deal so much. I miss the ENA I knew and loved. The one who broke into my property stepped on my flowers and called me her "second best friend." Eventually I was promoted to "first best girlfriend" but you know. Small steps.

Yes. I am aware that this probably comes from a deep rooted psychological trauma. Do I care? No. I've given up on trying to be normal and instead have chosen to embrace what I am. I am the Shepherd. I am ENA's weird little freak.

WHATS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?!

why do you love her so much?

Well. I love her because she's just soooooo wonderful.

And I love her uneven face. Her diamond shaped eye that contrasts so beautifully with the semicircle one. Her color scheme makes up 2/3 of my all time favorite colors. Her voice. God, her voice. She makes me feel a lot less ashamed of having a deep voice. The way she speaks is so unique that, despite how well I know her and her mannerisms, I still feel like I can never replicate correctly. Her weird word choices make me want to throw up because they're just so cute. Her suspenders have no mass and exist as textures over her chest. I love the triangles and angles that make her...her. The dips and curves of her 3d model. The way she says "Verily!" and "Oh no no no no no no no no!"

I love how she looks up at me with that dopey open-mouth smile like I'm the best thing in her life. I love her laugh. How she laughs at everything and nothing all at once. She's the kind of girl that walks with her hands swinging in huge arcs like she doesn't know what else to do with them. She's the kind of girl that gets stuck in a doorway because she doesn't understand the concept of width. The kind of girl that cries louder and more dramatically than you'd think possible when she is faced with the smallest inconvenience. She's a disaster. A mess. A deeply broken woman who cannot comprehend the world around her. But she tries so hard and is so earnest that it makes your heart ache. She always wants to do the right thing. Sometimes this pisses me off. I just can't understand how someone so perfect can exist.

She calls me her lady and I call her my love. I tell her everything and she listens. She has seen me at my worst and best. And somehow, she still loves me.